Sunday, November 20, 2011

On the mind.

I am totally a supporter of TWLOHA (To Write Love on Her Arms) --in case you don't know, they are an organization about showing love and offering hope to those who are hurt, broken, addicted, and stuff like that. It's an awesome organization--
Why am I such a supporter of this? What does that have to do with me?
Well, there was a time when I fit into the catagory of the people they are helping. I have a passion for the same kinds of things that To Write Love does... probably because I know what it's like to be all black and blue inside. Not fun.
But this isn't about me. What I'll say, is that I am not who I am because of who I have been. Who I was is no longer, because of God's grace and crazy strong love for me. He's the only reason I still live.

Right now, my heart is breaking for the people who are broken.
I feel kind of helpless. Like really, what can I say? What can I possibly do to help them?
This is what's frustrating for me.
I personally, came out of where I was because God basically said "You don't love me if you can't love yourself" And that was when my priorities got a little more straightened out.
But I'm not God, and I can't do the things that He can.

So what do I doooo?
I love?
I support?

How can I let them know, that they are vital? That their lives (even the most screwed) can be used for insanely flippin' great things. That they are worth so much. And that someone really does care.

I just have to trust that in His timing, God will use me for whatever purpose He has for me. I don't want to act in the wrong timing and really turn someone off or anything.. I just have to trust, and do what I feel God is telling me to do, because He's never ever.. EVER wrong.


Monday, November 14, 2011

You can't trust yourself.

Oh my gosh.

Here's what lesson I learned tonight: You can't run your own life.
Have you ever noticed that just when you think you have everything figured out, something happens, and suddenly you realize, you really have no control at all. And you never have. ?
Yeah. Hey there, wake up call.

So I guess you could say that I'm pretty much a control freak when it comes to my life. I want to be in charge of every aspect. I want to have everything run like clockwork, as in, the way I think that it should.
But then there's God. He's God. He's bigger than me by leaps and bounds and more leaps and bounds... and He knows EVERYTHING. He made everything. He's God. And there's nothing I can do about it!! I know that surely I could never be God, so why do I try?

Tonight I was really struggling with worrying what I was getting at with this whole music thing, as well as worrying about what people might think of me, and all sorts of random mish-mashed worries.
All the while, I knew what was up. I'd tried to regain control over my life. As if "okay, thanks for fixing everything for me, Lord, I'll let you know when I screw it up again" Here's the thing, it took me all of one weekend to be pushed back to a pitiful, faith-lacking, emo-ish kid. Clearly, I can't run my own life. I can't trust myself.

So I realized all this and figured I needed to look in the bible, because in previous situations I've done this and right there was the verse I needed. And yet again, there it was!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" -Proverbs 3:5-6

This is how I kinda intepreted that verse in my head: "Trust in the only one worth trusting in, and get over yourself. Don't just kind of trust. Go all out. Then you'll get somewhere"

It's incredible how God is so involved in my life, it's like over this short period of time, I subconsciously thought maybe he "wasn't looking" or something. Nope! He was rrrrriiiggghhhtttt there, and He always will be.
Also including those times when I feel lost and alone, I'll know that I'm not. I always have a hand to hold, and if that's not comfort, there is no such thing.


Wednesday, November 9, 2011

New Strings and Such!

Yeah so, not just strings. I got a new guitar. *angelic music*. See, I really wasn't feeling the whole BRIGHT YELLOW thing. And so I found a beautiful "basically just black" Ibanez. It's got a slight transparent finish though, and sounds like a pro :-) I've lovingly named him "Galileo"... no particular reason for the name, I just like it. (So far all my items of importance have been named after historical figures. My car's name is Vincent, as in, Van Gogh, my Ipod's name is Jefferson...) yeah! So, "Leo" hath been named. And yes, Leo is what I call Galileo because it's easier.

()()() I totally would've put a picture of Leo here, but my laptop is...ermmrmememrem.... funny. It likes to hide all my pictures somewhere farrrr away, without my consent. So I apologize. I will get some new pictures of him eventually, I promise! ()()()

In other news, I tried playing "Create in me a clean heart" at church on Sunday.. Epic phailed that one, but, there's always next time. Besides, the people at our church are so amazing and supportive, I hardly feel bad about screwing up the whole song ;-)
"Falling down isn't the hard part, it's the getting back up"
Ain't that the truth? And so, next time, Leo and I will just have to totally shock and amaze everyone, hahaha.
But first, I need to do some work on my transitioning from chord to chord.

Sorry, this post has been pretty much not exciting at all.


Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Here's the deal.

I am: An early high school graduate (I graduated in May 2011). I am now focusing entirely on fine arts, mostly music. I'm learning to play the electric guitar... with no teacher. So far so good. I try to practice 2 hours a day, and have been at it for about 3 months now. I'm also growing closer to God every day. This is a bigger deal than the whole music thing, for sure. In fact, He could have plans for me to be a lawyer, as far as I know. I'm just trying to follow without doubting, wherever He leads :D

My 3-4 year plan: To keep playing and learning more about music. As well as working, working, working, to save some cha-ching. ;-) for the next [almost] two years. Then, I hope to take an internship at Tooth and Nail Records in SEATTLE!!! to learn even more about the music industry and how it works in general. And hopefully make some musical friends and see what we can do about starting a band :-)

The ultimate goal: To be in a kinda-popular-ish Christian band, write songs that speak to people who have been hurt, who have kind of given up on God. Who need some hope. And to be able to meet those people, and talk to some of them one on one and hear them out, to pray with them and encourage them, and give glory to God, because it's His glory to begin with.

For now: I'm going to keep you updated on my "journey" here. And we'll see how this all turns out!

That's all for now :)