Week 6— Evangelism

Journal entry no. 6

Evangelism

If you were to come to this DTS as an observer, I'm certain that one of the first things you would hear someone say is, "it's about to get real".

'Getting real' being that moment when someone is completely open about something that's bothering them, or they don't understand, or spilling something they've kept locked inside for ages.

We do it a lot around here, and I'm about to do it with you.

Because this week was pretty rough.

I can't say that I was thrilled about the subject of evangelism when I saw that it was our topic of focus for this week. I'm an introvert and the word 'evangelism' instantaneously sends a wave of fear, even dread, through my system.

(Yes, I am aware that I signed up for two months of outreach in Thailand)

I guess when I decided to come to this DTS, I figured it would be a good opportunity to get over my fear of people ;-)

It has been very good for that, but guess what? I'm still an introvert, therefore evangelism still holds very little appeal to me.

I suppose that I, like most people, immediately think of street evangelism when I think about it. You know, I get this image of someone walking up to a random person, pointing at their nose, and demanding, "Do you know Jesus?!? You NEED to know Jesus or you'll go to hell! Here, have a tract"

.....me and my mental images. I know that that's not what it's supposed to be like, but I'm getting real with you here. That's my first thought when I hear the word 'evangelism'.

Immediately followed by, "no thank you, I want no part in this". Which, if that's what evangelism really WAS, then absolutely, count me out.

But that mental image belongs in the rubbish bin.

It and evangelism have nothing to do with each other.

I was encouraged to hear that evangelism can be something as simple as buying a stranger's coffee for them. Because, as God would have it, evangelism is all about loving people.

One thing about loving people is that you cannot see yourself as better than they are in any way. We Christians tend to think that we are somehow 'above' the guy on the street, because 1. we're not on the street 2. We've got Jesus and we're not dirty anymore.

It is so easy to look at someone who is in need and without even realizing it, thinking "oh, that poor person! If only they had Jesus in their heart, they wouldn't be on the street!" 

Sometimes, we might as well wear a hat that says "I'm better and I know it".

Guys. God sees every sin the same way. They're all dirty and deserve punishment.

I could think a nasty little thought that only God and I know about, and be every bit as deserving of hell as the murderer in prison.

The only difference between me and the person on the street is that I've accepted the grace Jesus paid for, and they haven't yet. That's it.

I'm every bit as deserving of eternal death, but I've been shown my need for forgiveness and taken hold of it.

Yeah so, if I'm going to love someone, I need to make sure that I'm not wearing my superiority hat.

I'm going to be honest with you now, though, and let you in on what was really eating away at me this week. (I did learn all sorts of cool things and I could list every note that I took, but this is my journal, and journals are personal)

I felt a rain cloud over me all week long, but couldn't exactly pinpoint what was going on until I spent some hours today pacing, thinking, crying, asking God questions, getting real with myself, thinking some more, and pacing some more.

What a way to spend the afternoon, right? Talk about taking care of business!

God showed me that my little guilt problem was creeping back in.

See, my less than enthusiastic response to evangelism was quite the contrast to most of the other students. At least that's what it seemed like.

Some are even going into town on a weekly basis to evangelize and experiencing such cool things! So my lack of excitement immediately cast an almost imperceptible sense of guilt over me.

It was so small and unrecognizable that I didn't think much of it all week... Until today when God and I dealt with it.

But all the while, it was growing and making me more and more miserable, and therefore incapable of even being happy for those who are reaching out, much less excited to go out myself and talk to people.

I mean, really. By now, I felt like the LAST person God would want to use.

Then He straightened me out.

1. He doesn't love me any less now than He has before.

(Unconditional love. Best thing ever.)

2. I can't learn to love and care about people if I'm too busy feeling guilty and incapable.

3. God teaches people at different times and in different ways... Patience is important.

4. I don't have to be the one out on the streets! The people seeing all the action need prayer, too.

5. It's not about me having a load of really good faith. It's about me having the amount of faith that I have in a really good God.

6. If I'm willing to do what I can within the faith that I have, God is more than willing to make my faith stronger. But the key is not focusing on me at all, just Him.

Needless to say, my rain cloud has moved on and I'm trusting God to work with me just as I am. He knows what I need to learn and how to teach me.

Thank goodness!

Chelsea