I Can Explain.

Really, I can. Although, I don't want to.
I know I've been gone again for a long time... because the truth is, I fell down. Completely lost my footing and the ground beneath my feet just seemed to vanish.
I had nothing to say to you for such a long time because I was distracted... and I was a bit of a mess.

There's a great song by Thousand Foot Krutch called "All I need to know", it's a very pleasant melody and the lyrics are sincere. This is the chorus:
I don't know why it's so hard to swallow our pride
and I don't know how many wrongs make a right
I don't know the reason, sometimes it just feels so good to cry.
And I don't know which way the wind will blow
but you're here with me
and that's all I need to know.
This is pretty descriptive of where I've been at lately. Swallowing my pride has been a huge step. Especially when coming before the Lord, the Creator, the Ruler of all.
It's when I come before Him and realize how insignificant and unworthy I am, that makes the change in my heart. Because it's then that I can acknowledge His absolutely power and sovereignty and turn from my own personal interests/desires... and focus on being the servant I was meant to be.

As for knowing "how many wrongs make a right".. well, don't take that the wrong way.
Technically, wrong + wrong = wrong.  But, we are bound to be wrong, and we will fail time and time again.
Because we are human, and it happens. But the good news is that God doesn't just let us fall that far and leave us there, Only He knows how many wrongs make a right, and He's the one that makes them right.
God is a God of Holy Correction... and I absolutely adore this about Him. I often think about how "God is my favorite teacher", because when He allows me to go through this stuff, it's because He wants to show me something. He wants to correct me.

May I just say, I stand wholly corrected.

Maybe I do know the reason it feels so good to cry sometimes. My recent tears have been those of realization of my wrong, and realization that it can be right. Only because of His grace.
Boy, that grace is something else.

I don't know which way the wind will blow. And you know what? That's been my issue.
Analogy time.

Once upon a time there was a girl named Chelsea. She had been given a beautiful kite, and she wanted to fly it soooo bad. But, the wind wasn't blowing. So she prayed and prayed and prayed for the wind to blow. And it did! But, then Chelsea decided she didn't like the way the wind was blowing her kite. So she prayed and prayed and prayed for the wind to blow the other way.
It didn't, and Chelsea got upset.
She prayed and prayed and prayed again for the wind to blow the other way.
 It still did not.
So she gave up flying her kite, and walked the direction she had wanted the wind to blow, only to find a giant tree that surely would have wrecked her beautiful kite that she had been given.
Then she praised the Lord for knowing everything and protecting her kite.

Okay, so I'm not extremely spectacular with analogies.
Anyway, the kite is my life that I've been given, it's a beautiful one. I have everything I need.
But I wanted it to fly, so I asked God to help me make it fly, and He did, and all was well.
But then! I got distracted and wanted it to fly the other way. So I tried to make it go the other way, but God didn't want it to go the other way, because He knew there was a tree in the way, and surely my kite would be brought to ruin.

God is good. All the time. Watching out for me, even when I am being ignorant and selfish.
That's how I know He's here with me. And that's all I need to know.

So there you have it.
I was just reminded how bad pride tastes.
And how good forgiveness feels :)

Chels