So yeah this is pretty much just a lame, boring, post about what I've been up to. Since, I like, disappeared for a while. Not that anyone's reading my blog anyway. (Ah-hem: That was not a sad statement. I really don't care who reads this, it's just an "along the way" blog, so that I don't forget stuff)
Anyway.
My 2 hours a day of practice aren't as..consistent as they were. However, I haven't stopped making progress, so it's all good. I think what happened there was, I forced myself to do it through those countless hours, and now I'm okay enough at playing to actually enjoy it. This is my theory.
And besides, I was working soooo much over the holidays, I honestly didn't have a chance. BUT NOW. I do, and I fully intend to take my 2 and a half months of downtime from work, to build the skills, ya'll.
It's just that there are certain things here in PA, that I'm kind of attached to. (I have spent my entire life here, and all). And it seems like it could be so easy to give up the whole dream I have. Crazy, right? But then I think about music, I think about what I could do for God. Don't get me wrong here. I am fully aware that I could be in Sweden, doing things for God, if that was where He placed me. I really do understand that. It's just that the whole music thing feels right. Part of me has wanted for it to not feel right when I think about that stuff, but I'm getting no negative feelings, signs, warnings. Right now it all just seems like a green light that I'm headed for, full speed ahead.
I can just imagine. A girl who barely knows her own mother, who hates herself, who doesn't get the point of life. Who on a daily basis rips herself apart, mentally and physically. How am I supposed to just let her go?
Or a child that's been taken away from everything he knew (even if it was poverty) and forced to be a slave.. just so that we can have some rice with our dinner. I can't get images of hurt people out of my mind sometimes. I feel the driving need to do something.
How? This could be insanely hard to accomplish. I mean, I'm not really extremely gifted in the musical areas. I do love it, and I'm learning, but my vocals are less than inspiring, I barely have a sense of rythm, and to put music together with all the parts and lyrics and.. ah! I'm going to need some help here.
That's where I find comfort. There's a reason for this feeling of right.
If this really is what God has for me, then I have no doubt that he'll work out the details.
And if it's not what He wants me to be doing, He'll work out the details.
He's not going to let me just float around in the world doing nothing, especially when I have the desire to serve Him.
I just wish I knew which way to turn, sometimes!!
Chelsea
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Dear Chelsea,
ReplyDeleteI feel it is my duty to inform you that you are musically gifted. As someone who sings a little bit, I've come to realize that vocalists sometimes get more credit than they deserve, and the musicians less. But yes, I agree that God will bring this all together for you. He's made you exactly the way you are for a reason, and he loves you and so do I!