The Voice that Sent the Beast Away
Every day it dug a little deeper into my being; a consuming blackness constructed by lies and fear and rage. My heart the victim of an evil plot that desired to destroy me, to leave nothing. It could be labeled a beast, however, not the kind that you are initially frightened of. No, this was the kind that introduced itself warmly, like it longed to be your friend.
A bit lonely, desperate, and easily influenced, I welcomed it into my life.
The blackness that would slowly, deceivingly, tear apart my innocence.
Not only would it do that, but it would fill me with insecurity and a relentless hunger for some sort of comfort.
Not that I would have known that I was falling apart.
My friendly enemy assured me that I was stronger than one who needed things like love and peace and light.
It praised my effort toward it's plan.
Committed, I was.
After much longer a time than any being ought to be attacked; I believed that indeed, I was strong. Nothing could hurt me.
Nothing except for the black beast, the friendly enemy that was increasingly developing itself into a blazing black flame that would eventually scorch me to ashes.
As my feebly built tower of self-relying refuge came crashing down,
there came a single moment in which all the falsehood-whispering shadows that were my dark enemy, were silenced.
In the very midst of the terror that surrounded me, there was finally a stillness.
And then came the voice.
A voice that I had once been somewhat aware of,
but never had I heard it so clearly as I did in this moment.
"Do you not love me?"
It was not a voice draped in hatred, as was the one that I had become so accustomed to listening to.
It rather sounded like one who was hurt.
My heart was immediately numbed.
Suddenly, memories of promises made long ago came flooding into not only my memory, but my soul.
Remorse rose up inside of me.
What had I done?
Why had I not heard this voice before? Surely this was not the first time in so long that it had reached to me.
Everything in me gave way, and I was broken.
Broken as a fever breaks. Woefully sickening and terribly painful, but holding a promise to pass.
To leave it's inhabited to become well again.
In the seasons following, I became much more familiar with the Voice that had reached to me on that day.
It became a Voice that I relied on.
It held me when I shook as I wept uncontrollably,
It led me in such a way that was clear, but not demanding or hurtful,
It introduced me to meaning and light, when all I'd known for so long was meaningless motions and a crushing darkness.
It faced my deceiver; the one who I had so well been acquainted with, the one who had made me so very empty and cold.
The Voice was stronger than the blackness, it demanded that the beast return to it's lair and let me be.
Over time, the Voice became my friend, my shelter, my Father.
Yes, He was undeniably good to me.
He stilled the remaining shaking in my soul and drenched me in a light that made me free.
Finally! At long last, I was breathing! Just like a real, alive, being.
He gave me a glimpse at an unshakable truth:
That I had never been strong. No, indeed.
Strong was not for me to be.
It was for my Father to be.
I was not only weak, but I was helpless.
After having been rescued from the beast that had dwelt within me,
I could know this in the fullest.
My Father himself was strength.
And when He entered into me, there was the strength.
Not only that, but hope,
And joy!
Life and breath!
What a difference it is between death and life,
Having tasted one and drinking in the other, I can tell you with much certainty,
Life is something that not one ought to be without.
My Father has said that He would slay any beast for any of His children, if only they would ask Him.
It hurts me to know that the blackness still consumes so many,
There are so many ones that never even know that they are being scorched from the inside out by the black flame.
Take heart, my friends who are tired and shaking with hatred or fear or longing or suffering... The beast will flee at the mention of my Father's Name.
He is Lord.
Lord over both darkness and light. Wherever he sends either, that is where they go.
The wicked flame is snuffed out when He tells it to be.
There is not one in any place that can stand against Him,
And because He is my strength, my refuge,
I can not be taken over by such evil again.
My dear friends, I pray that you will not seek any fullness in yourselves; it is not there. It lives in the One who is full. Full of everything you have desired and searched for all this time and He will not deny you it when you come to Him with nothing but openness and brokenness and a genuine desire to listen to the Voice.
